2014-08-20

Commencement Address to the Single's Ward

I have moved out of the Single's Ward, and into a family unit.  I never thought that I would leave this way.  Until the last year or so, I thought and hoped I would move on from the YSA scene (via marriage).  Until a month or so ago, I had come to accept that I would likely outgrow the ward (which happens on the 31st birthday).  Because I have moved 90 minutes away from a YSA ward, I will be going to a family unit that is not large enough to be considered a ward.  I will be here with my roommate for at least a year or two, at which point I would be transitioning out of a YSA ward, anyway.

All in all, I spent about 7 years between 2 wards in neighboring stakes.  Here are my thoughts on the collective experience.

Love Your Leaders, Love Your Followers, Love Yourself
Loving someone is easier when you know them, so start there.  This includes yourself.  If you don't love yourself, take some time to get to know yourself.  What are your likes, your dislikes?  What talents do you have; what talents would you like to have?

YSA wards come with unique opportunities of service, especially in leadership roles.  It can be easy to sigh or roll your eyes when someone needs help again, but try to find out why they need that help.  Is it because they lack confidence?  Are they trying to overcome some obstacle that has been placed in their path?  

Also, learn to love your leaders.  During my tenure, there were 5 sets of bishoprics between the two wards, and some of them were easier to love than others.  Both of the stake presidencies were comprised of inspired, kind, and humble men.  When I had trouble thinking kindly thoughts of those in leadership positions, I tried to remember the men who called them, and trust that they had my and the ward's best interest at heart.  (If that's not working for you, go up the ladder until you get to the Lord Himself.)

It's Not About Your Status; It's About What You Do With It
This applies to both your relationship status and your calling.  Being single doesn't have to mean being lonely, and being in a relationship doesn't have to mean feeling loved.

"What's in a name?  That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
(Romeo & Juliet)

What I would consider the most effective leaders not only remembered people's names (or tried to), but used them.  One bishop made it a point to shake everyone's hand and greet them as Brother or Sister So-and-so, and he was one of the most-loved bishops I've ever had.  Shortly after I moved back into a ward I had previously moved out of, I attended a Sunday School class taught by that stake's president.  I made a comment, and he later referred back to it, making a point to use my name.  I had heard from stake visitors speaking at the pulpit that the stake presidency loved and thought of us, but it wasn't until he used my name that I felt and believed it when I heard it.

Stay After Institute, and It Will Stay With You
The foundations of some of my most meaningful friendships were formed within the walls of the Institute building.  Sometimes it was playing games in the basement after Break the Fast, sand volleyball out back in the summer, or hanging out around the copies of Ensigns in both the lobby and the library.  Showing up a few minutes early also allowed me to get to know the instructors, which led to more lasting learning, as well as help and guidance when I needed it.

Also, staying after means you went in the first place.

Look in the Cracks
Believe it or not, I've been in them from time to time.  Both because I fell in them and because I was trying to pull someone out (usually with the help of the missionaries).  I promise you will find treasures in those cracks.  

Do What is Right, Even if Your Friends Try to Convince You Otherwise
Especially when it comes to moving.  Each time that I moved, I had friends--good friends, some of the best--question me.  Tease me that I didn't have to go, that I could move but still stay in the ward.  It never got easier (thankfully, it didn't get harder, either), even after I would tell them that it was at Heavenly Father's counsel that I move.  He made the decision, and I decided to follow.  All but one time, which is how I learned to follow his lead.  
Long story short, I was presented with a potential opportunity to move and change careers.  Because it was not a solid thing, I discussed it with very few of my friends.  I recieved the impression that I would have to do certain things if I wanted this opportunity to become a reality.  I did not do those things, in part because I chose to give in to some pressure from a friend.  Hence, that opportunity was lost.  Other things were gained (such as this lesson), so it wasn't a complete loss.

Be Where You Are
I'm an Old-Timer.  I remember when there was only one YSA ward in all of the Omaha metro area.  It split into three about 2 months after I moved in, and I remember when it split.  As someone new to the area, I appreciated it because I had been there a few Sundays and the majority of people hadn't even noticed a new face.  Splitting it meant smaller wards, where a new face would be noticed.

I was in the minority.  Many of the people had been there a long time and found that their friends were now in a different ward.  (Never mind that nearly all of the activities were joint.)  Some of them resisted and/or resented this.  I didn't fully understand until this until I moved myself.  But what got many of us through that obstacle was faith in it being a divine decision.  I looked at it almost as an equation.
If the Lord was, ultimately, the driving force behind boundary lines
and If the Lord had been consulted and directed me to move,
Then the Lord has decided it best for me to be in whatever ward/stake.  

Coming to the conclusion that the Lord wanted me at whatever ward at whatever time made it easier to throw myself into serving that ward.  Resentment, in general, is a waste of energy.
Also, say "amen" at the end of prayers.  It creates a feeling of unity.  I've always seen that as a way of saying, "I agree with what you have just said."  And sing with feeling.  This is the most effective way that I have found to invite the Spirit into a class or meeting, especially when numbers are few.

No comments: