We Are....

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else
is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lyrics courtesy TransSiberian Orchestra:
Be who you are, what you were, what they see. From eternity's view, tell me which one is me.
Can you be who you are, what you were, what they see? From eternity's view, tell me which one is me.

This is one of those things I think about sometimes. Who are we? What defines us? (How) can we change that? Which is the true "me?"

I know I am different than I was 10, even 5 years ago. I am more conservative than I was in high school and exponentially closer to God. When I graduated college, I was on the left side of middle of the road, politically speaking, but very much center lane. That hasn’t changed too much, but politics are a rather complicated thing to get involved with right now. In the past five years, I have learned so much about the plans my heavenly father has for me and feel like I might be starting to get a grasp on how much He loves me.

So which one is me?

Is masking our true emotions the same as lying? If so, I’m a liar. And an awfully darn good one, at that. I, for better and worse, have learned I can control what people think I’m feeling. If I want them to think I’m in a good mood, they will. If I want them to think I’m happy with something, they will. If I want them to think I’m down and out and need some coddling, that can be arranged. If I want people to think I care, I can fake that, too. It scares the beepers out of me sometimes. It hasn’t happened often, but at one time, I managed to convince everyone around me I had particular feelings when I didn’t. I started feeling guilty for taking things as far as I had, so I confessed and found myself hurting a person I cared about very deeply very deeply. (Repetition intended.)

Once, I got a note from someone who said she enjoyed how cheerful I always am; she had never seen me not smiling. She’s not a particularly close friend, so she doesn’t get the opportunity to see me on the days it hurts to smile. She (and others) have the perception that I’m happy even when I’m not. I was actually feeling rather depressed when I read her note. I’m sure it was meant as a compliment, but it brought me down.

So which one is me? The happy, smiley person I often show most people or the down and out bitter, cynical person I find myself being sometimes?

It’s pretty obvious to me that who we were is not who we are. Anymore. It’s a part of us, but not the whole. It’s like the garage to our house. The nicer ones are usually attached.

What about the person I want to be? (When I first copied the lyrics I heard “were” as “want.”) How much is that part of who I am?

Maybe the easiest way to look inward is to look outward.

When I make assessments of other people (I don’t like to call them “judgements” because that has a finality to it), I take into account who they want to be, if I can. I give the most weight to that and take into consideration what they’re doing to be that person. I like to see people leave my life at least one step closer to who they want to be than they were when they entered.

Then I consider who they are, their current character and so forth.

The only reason I give a hoot about someone’s past is because it often helps me understand their present self. More often than not, it explains the fears and concerns they have. It can offer insight as to why they do things a certain way or why they treat people the way they do.

Perhaps, “from eternity’s view,” the “me” is the sum of all parts.