What I Should Have Said Was Nothing

In the pilot episode of Firefly, the Shepherd (preacher) asks if he can say a prayer over the meal.  The atheist Captain Malcolm Reynolds quips, "Only if you say it out loud."

One of the elders currently serving in our ward has made it previously known to me and my roommate that he's a fan of the series.

I was drunk-tired for about 3 weeks straight over the cusp of January into February.

Now that you know those three things, let me tell you a story.

The elders came over to visit with my roommate, as they do about three or four times a month.  Normally, they bring the short guy two doors down with them (he's recently started attending our ward) and I'm sleeping in my room if I'm home at all.  A couple of weeks ago, I happened to come home about 20 minutes before they arrived.  Not only was I lacking sleep, but my blood sugar was low.  Needless to say, the filter over my mouth was compromised.

Apparently our neighbor was unavailable to accompany the elders on their visit, so they brought along "Vortex," who has been an acquaintance of mine for quite some time.  I explained to everyone that I was going to eat my foot long toasted tuna with bacon, and that I was a little cloudy in the membrane that night.

We visited for about 45 minutes, and the elders managed to squeeze in a brief message about faith.  Then, Elder "Mercer" asked if they could "leave [us] with a word of prayer."

Before I could stop myself, I muttered, "Only if you say it out loud."

I think everyone in the room heard me, but only Mercer and my roommate understood, which was made evident by their peals of laughter.  Mercer's Tongan companion was slightly confused, but it was the shocked look on Vortex's face that told me I should explain myself.  If anyone would be opposed to a prayer being said, it would be my roommate; I don't say things like that.  At least, I don't mean things like that.  Clearly, Vortex isn't familiar with the quips of a show that aired on Fox for one season in 2002.  Not that I expected him to be.

Needless to say, I explained to him that, sometimes I quote things for the sake of quoting them, not because I mean them.