One Way Out

Many people have heard the following statement from me in the past week: my eye is broke, my car is broke, and I'm broke. And that isn't even taking into consideration any of the inner turmoil I've been experiencing.

I also played many rounds of Good News, Bad News this week.
Example
Good News: I made an appointment to get my eye looked at. (It's been doing this complicated swelling, pressure thing that's really painful and got me written up at work.)
Bad News: I had to cancel because my car's timing chain broke.

I won't go through all the rounds of the game; that would just be exhausting.

The point is that some of the stress of my life is out there in public knowledge. (My own, personal public, anyway.) Many of my friends and acquaintances are aware of my eye, car and bank account being broke. They realize how stressful any of those things are, as well as how much moreso they become when their powers combine. I have gotten a lot of sympathetically toned "How is everything going?"
When I express to people my attitude on how things are going, I receive a lot of admiration for it. People call me strong, tell me I have fortitude, I'm an inspiration, etc.

The truth of it is that I don't see any other option. It's a trait of mine to see the good in the bad. So if things are going terribly, like they are now, I'm inclined to look for what's going right. At least I'm not like Job; I still have my friends. At least I only live a little more than a mile from work so I can walk. I still get to feel some amazing God-given peace during the blessing and passing of the sacrament.

More truth is that I don't see myself as strong at all. Or at least, not as strong as others seem to. My best friend asked me the other day if I was okay, after seeing the concerned look that has pasted itself to my face lately. I replied by asking what other choice did I have? If I'm not at least okay, then what am I?

I mean, what else am I going to do? I don't even know how to give up on some of this stuff. What am I supposed to do: quit work and quit paying my bills? All that's going to get me is thrown on the streets or in jail. Am I supposed to just stop loving the people I love? That's certainly not going to help me feel any better.

I guess if only seeing one option makes me strong, brave, resilient, admirable, respectable, etc. then I guess I'll have to let others continue to see me that way. Even though I disagree. I'm not strong; I'm just a girl without options.