Rash

(Disclaimer: the more I think about something, the more pretentious I sometimes sound when presenting the manner in words. This may be one of those cases.)
Shortly after my romantic interest of about a year started seeing someone new, she wanted to be friends with me. Being a Latter-day Saint, I tried as best as I could. Not being a canonized saint, I failed. I realized I needed some time to heal from the disappointment.

Jealousy is being upset that someone else has what you want. The best way for me to overcome jealousy is to no longer want what I can’t have. It took some time in this case, a little longer than I anticipated or wanted it to, but that jealousy has all but disappeared.

The hurt feelings of rejection, on the other hand, have not quite lost their pungency. It still stinks like the Bog of Eternal Stench, but either it's fading, I’m getting used to it, or both.

A little more than a month ago, I stumbled across some things on the facebook page of the girlfriend that served as a harsh reminder of my once having been denied something I had desperately wanted. In a rather rash manner, I released my unpleasant emotions into a blog.
And then made the colossal mistake of publishing it. I removed the post, but not before its being seen by and hurting a dear friend of mine, his girlfriend, and a mutual friend of ours. Although I did not use names, the details I provided made it clear to anyone familiar with my circle who I was referring to.
I would provide excuses for publishing it if I thought the act were excusable.

I want it to be known that the root of my sorrow does not stem from anyone’s finding and reading the post. The root of my sorrow stems from acting in such a thoughtless way in the first place. I’m not sorry because I got caught; I’m sorry because I did it.

In making the post, I revealed information that should have remained confidential. Had I given more thought to what I was “saying,” I would have realized that. I also would have realized that the tone of my post portrayed me as being upset that their relationship seems to be doing well.

While nothing in that post was an outright lie, some of my opinions were strong and certainly less than favorable. I essentially questioned their integrity. I should have questioned my own right along with it. Not only for the circumstances I mentioned in the original post, but for publicizing said circumstances.

I am a firm believer in forgiveness. The forgiveness of others and the forgiveness of one’s self. Yes, it’s important to feel sorry for the wrongs you have done and the pain you have caused. But you should only feel sorry long enough to do something about it. Sorrow beyond that robs you of joys you could, and should, be experiencing in the present.

That being said, I hope this will all soon be but a chapter in our history books.