Workaholism

(My apologies if you've seen this post before.)

I know things are going to be changing at the store...MC had two meetings this afternoon over at another store, but they weren't with JC. Because he stopped by and told me that MC wouldn't be coming back to our store today after her meetings. When DC came in (the very exact minute I was supposed to leave), he and JC had a discussion in the office. After JC left, DC all but (or maybe he actually did) told me that someone would be leaving the store. But he couldn't/can't say who until tomorrow. I'm 99% sure it's one of the managers. I don't think it'd be EE, so that leaves MC and DC. There have been rumors that MC's job has been on the line and DC's talked to me so many times about stepping down. I also know that he's been really upset that he's been forced to work so many Sundays. And it probably just serves as lemon juice in the paper cut (PBQ!) that I always get Sundays off. And KS gets a lot of Sundays off, too.

I've pretty much realized that it doesn't really matter in the long run which of them is leaving; any one of them would require a replacement, someone else to do the jobs they do. But what gets me is the way JC was talking to me when he stopped in today. Acting all friendly towards me. I'm not one of his pets. He's always stopping in to chat with RT (he was a GM when she was an AM at the store, so they have a work history) and is real jovial with MT. A lot of times, he'll question associates and try to make nice with them; he never really has with me. And I'm not really sure why; I don't really care, to be honest. Maybe that's why. Anyway...today he was talking with me, like he was trying to butter me up for something. He had this look in his eye that gave me the impression he had something up his sleeve. And when he confirmed that I was MIC tomorrow, that confirmed in my mind that he's plotting something. I suspect that he's going to ask me to step up to AM. And I'm not going to. Don't you dare let me, either!

I don't care if EE and her family can pull it off; I've witnessed what it did to mine, and I don't want that. I don't want my work responsibilities to take priority over my spiritual ones. Sometimes they duke it out as it is; no way am I going to give work an unfair advantage.

The problem isn't that I wouldn't like it or that I wouldn't be making enough money. The problem is that I would like it. I would enjoy my job. I'd enjoy the paperwork MC hates. I'd enjoy the interaction with other stores. I'd get a kick out of teaching Planet Bread every so often. I'd enjoy the challenges of creating a schedule or doing pan-ups. I'd love to sit across a booth from someone and try to figure out whether or not they'd be good for the job. Would I get frustrated? Sure as heck I would. But I would enjoy it. I would enjoy it too much to want to give it up.

And it isn't that I wouldn't be making enough money. I make enough now. Sure, a little more would allow me to tie the ends together, but they're meeting as things are. So it's not like poverty or debt would be a driving factor. They could offer me the high end of the spectrum, and I'd still have the same perspective I have now.

It's going to take a lot for me to remain strong in this position. There are going to be a lot of people who will be pushing me and rooting for me to go after being an assistant manager. They already are. They already have been. DC, EE, and MC have all talked to me about it. They prove that they trust me to run the ship; they leave me alone all the time. You think that MC would have been comfortable leaving for lunch if MS had been running the show? No offense, but I doubt it.

CR told me a long time ago that he could see me in management. I know KS would reaffirm that she respects me more than she does EE or MC. If it should happen that I do get approached about a promotion (keep in mind this is all speculation), and word gets around the store, I'm going to have to explain myself to a lot of people. Even when I was training to be a Shift Super, someone asked me about moving up and one of my friends was shocked at the reasoning I gave.

Yes, I want to love and enjoy my job, but I don't want to love it so much that I can't give it up (or cut back) should such a move become necessary.

I don't want to be like that. I plan on having a family someday. And when I do, I want that family to always come before any employment I have. And it's never too soon to put myself in that mindset, knowing how workaholism runs in my family.